how

they said three words to my dad who said three words to me. just three words. probably 01,66 seconds according to my chronometer. in almost 2 seconds i've lost almost anything.

my uni, my friends, my notebooks and journals and the only place that was keeping me safe.

now i'm here, feeling numb.

my mom doesn't understand and i'm tired of explaining that to her so i decided to just don't.

dad wants help but i feel so ashamed of going out to see people that i don't know. i don't know how the mbti works but i don't feel like an entp anymore. i don't feel like anything. being selfish and overly sensitive is a stage of being right? that's the only think i feel.

i feel disconnected to this world. my dad says that's because i'm far from God, but, does He wants me to face all these trials, all these trials? it doesn't seem or feels like one. God doesn't want me to suffer but now i can't even cook something that's not instant noodles even if we have plenty of food. i miss eating broccoli, going outside and pass through the whole city by subway, surprising and gifting my parents at work, studying and designing, going out just to see what's happening.

now i don't feel safe anymore. my bed is smaller. it doesn't bother me, but my blankets cannot cover my body. should i turn off the ac or turn up the temp? maybe but somehow it makes me feel that i'm in danger. i can't explain how i feel. i wish someone could explain, but no one can't.

well, at least i'm trying.